November 24, 2019

Setting Helpful Boundaries During the Holidays

November 24, 2019/ Dr. Chelsea Page

The holidays are supposed to be a time for happiness, cheer and wonderful family experiences, right? For some, this isn’t always the case. The effort to keep spirits high as the snow falls or the idea of spending time with a Grandmother that constantly criticizes you might instead feel more like a Halloween horror. To help make sure the holidays remain fun, it’s important to have your boundaries in place.

Boundaries and Family

Although the holidays may mean more family time this does not mean you are under any obligation to endure negativity or discomfort from a family member. Empower yourself by creating a boundary between you and the person you are feeling less than thrilled to be around. For instance, you can develop several tactics to excuse yourself for a mini-break during a gathering, such as taking a step outside or offering to wash dishes. You can also create a codeword or phrase for you to discreetly clue your partner in on when it is time to leave. Have dogs? Saying that it’s time to go to feed the dogs is also a helpful way to make a pilot exit. Being strategic, such as choosing a seat on the other side of the table, also helps to minimize undesirable interactions.

Boundaries and Your Relationship

The holidays can also be a time when there is a ton going on and you may feel like you are being pulled in many directions. Although the holidays can be busy, make sure to carve out some self-care time for the relationship with yourself and some intentional time for you and your partner. This may also be a time where you might not be able to have as much time as would be ideal for both yourself and for your relationship. It's ok to not be fully consistent as you are focusing on your ARE in your relationship during this time but try as best you can. We aren’t looking for perfection here. A little bit of time is better than no time. This is a fun time of year but just make sure that you don't fully neglect yourself and your relationship for the sake of family gatherings and holiday parties.

Boundaries and Sadness

A holiday game plan to create a boundary between you and gloomy feelings that may threaten to emerge is also beneficial. Perhaps grief or sadness emerges during this time for you when remembering the family members that are no longer around for the holidays. You will want to add to your plan anything that helps create feelings of happiness or provides positive distractions from dwelling on any negativity. Consider any fun activities, scheduling time with friends, having a list of books you want to read, exploring new walks you want to go on, and working on crafts or projects. And Although it is important to honor any emotions that emerge, focusing on filling in space with goodies will help create a boundary so the sadness won’t take over.

Creating boundaries during the holidays is uber important. You are in charge of you and your energy and the holidays are an important time to keep strong boundaries. Boundaries can help shield you from the negative energy from certain family members and having a holiday game plan can help to balance family, your own energy, and your relationship. Boundaries increase your enjoyment during the holiday season and have you feeling all the more bright!

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