Nowadays the internet totally bombards you with all these different ways to make your relationship better. Things like “How to Spice Up Your Relationship” and “How to Have Your Partner Want to Have Sex With You”, or “These Are the 5 New Sex Position to Try Tonight!”.
Don’t get me wrong, spicing up your relationship is not inherently a bad thing. A fun new sex position to try out can certainly add flavor BUT you want to be careful you aren’t adding the spice before you have the simple main ingredients.
Apparently, according to Wikipedia, the acronym KISS was originally a design principle from the U.S. Navy in 1960. The principle is that systems work best if they are kept simple rather than made complicated. The KISS acronym has taken many forms like:
"Keep it simple, silly"
"keep it short and simple"
"keep it simple and straightforward"
“keep it small and simple"
"keep it stupid simple"
And my personal favorite:
"keep it simple, sexy!" (OK, I might have made that one up)
Regardless of what specific phrase fits best in your mind, the principle still remains the same: keeping it simple. Meaning, you don’t want to be doing all the things or adding a bunch of complicated spice to your relationship to maintain happiness. Instead you want to make sure you are creating and maintaining a strong base in your relationship by keeping it simple. Remember my previous post where I talked about focusing on just one thing at a time in your relationship? The KISS main Ingredients fall right in line with the theme of NOT over complicating but rather, well, keeping it simple, silly!
Ingredient 1 - Create Intentional Intimacy Time Outside the Bedroom
You have to schedule time for emotional connection. No negotiations. I have many people share with me that their time together with their partner happens “whenever”, meaning after work, after the kids, after the chores, after the ... whatever. Meaning basically rarely or never. The “whenever” is not consistent and most certainly not reliable. To sustain a relationship you need to carve out intentional time together. This doesn’t have to be a date night out on the town requiring a fancy restaurant and digging out those rarely-worn heels from the back of the closet. Keep it simple and try something like a 15 minute tea time at the end of each Thursday night where you chat about the latest cat video and what you’ll do on your upcoming vacation.
Ingredient 2: Create Intentional Intimacy Time Inside the Bedroom
I do talk more in depth about this in a post on I is for Intentional Intimacy; however you want to make the time to have intentional time together inside the bedroom. Although technically it can happen anywhere in the house. Regardless of where, having the time to be physically intimate with each other in whatever form - like kissing on the couch, massage, sex, or a soapy suds-down in the shower - is certainly a main ingredient of a sustainable relationship.
Ingredient 3 - Create a Culture of Generosity
I don’t know about you but many of us can find our minds thinking things like “I wish she would clean the kitchen more”, “I wish he would come to bed with me more”, or “gah, why won’t she make the dinner for once”. You could fill in the blank with whatever thought but they often have a theme of my partner needs to do more or give more. Instead, switch this around and ask yourself what you can add into the relationship. A good place start is the 5 Love Languages, which has you giving love to your partner in a way they recieve love. Generosity often begets generosity, which is a positive cycle you want in your relationship.
Ingredient 4 - Show Interest in Your Partner’s Interests
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to like all the things your partner likes or do all the things they do - that’s a people pleaser trap that can be easy to fall into. Instead, it’s about balancing doing things you like with things your partner likes, as well as talking about things you like with things your partner likes. Showing interest means sharing the conversation and activities openly rather than grudgingly. It’s all about loving with balance, which is something I will be diving deeper into in the next post - so stay tuned!
Key Things To Remember:
Keep the main simple ingredients of relationships before adding in the spice
Create intentional intimacy time outside the bedroom
Create intentional intimacy time inside the bedroom
Create a culture of generosity
Show Interest in your partner’s interests